My dictionary defines overwhelm as a transitive verb meaning:
1. to overpower especially with superior forces; destroy;
crush, 2. to overcome completely in mind or feeling, and 3.
to load, heap, treat, or address with an overpowering or excessive
amount of anything. Feeling overwhelmed then means that you
feel that you are having too much to deal with. It feels like
it is overpowering you and that it will crush you. The noun
overwhelm, is that feeling.
When we get to feeling overwhelmed, it isn't always or even
usually at those times when we are the most busy. Why is this
the case and what exactly is going on when we feel overwhelmed?
This is the case because overwhelm is a function of stress.
And stress is not necessarily in a direct relationship or
proportion to busyness. Stress is often the result of changes
in our lives. Perhaps an extreme example of feeling overwhelmed
with nothing to do would be when one is out of work. There
is only so much job-hunting that one can do in a day, but
the stress of unemployment can easily be overwhelming.
Of-course it is entirely possible to feel overwhelmed because
one does have too much to do. This is certainly the kind of
overwhelm that those who both work and also have a family,
most often feel. There aren't enough hours in the day. Then
there are those of us who are over-employed. We've got too
many irons in the fire, too many balls in the air. We are
at constant peril of dropping something that we really don't
want to drop. It is easy to get to feeling overwhelmed and
to begin to doubt our ability to carry on and get it all done.
Managing overwhelm requires a combination of techniques.
First of all it is a matter of stress-management. As I have
stated elsewhere, in my article on stress management, the
most effective way to manage stress is to eliminate some of
the stressors in your life and to avoid taking on new stressors.
We all have optional stressors and postponable stressors that
we don't have to take on just now. When our stress level is
already too high, it is a good idea to not take on anything
more, at that time, that isn't absolutely unavoidable.
Another technique for coping with overwhelm has to do with
putting things in perspective. Years ago a client told me
that he was able to calm himself when he was feeling overwhelmed
by asking himself, "Fifty years from now who will know
the difference?" Good question! In the vast majority
of cases, if not in all cases the answer is, "absolutely
no one." Now we can of-course think of examples of situations
where our decision and/or our performance today will impact
people fifty years from now. For example if a financial planner
gave poor advice that decimated a person's estate it would
most certainly impact that person's heirs. Or, in my own field,
we counselors live in dread of not being able to help someone
and that leading to their doing something that has a profound
negative impact on their lives or the lives of those around
them. But I digress. The point is that we need to have enough
perspective to realize that for the most part the results
of our actions, good or bad, will not have a huge impact.
Another way to look at it is that we can only do so much
and the most important thing is to have our priorities straight.
There are many aspects to our lives and we need to attend
to each and every one of them. There is our mind, our body,
our soul, our work, our play, our livelihood, our family,
our friends, our community, and our planet. All these things
need our attention. It can be overwhelming. But I think it
tends to be less overwhelming when we have some clarity about
our commitment to all of it. This may seem illogical, but
I prefer to think of it as ironic. When we know what is important,
it is easier to know what to do and therefore easier to know
what we can let go for now. So when we have our priorities
straight, it helps us feel less overwhelmed.
So what does all this have to do with PTSD? When one experiences
childhood trauma, part of that experience is a sense of overwhelm
one way or another. Consequently, one tends to be more susceptible
to feelings of overwhelm later in life. This has to do with
a lingering perception that we are unable to cope and will
be overpowered, crushed and destroyed. When we were little,
we were unable to cope very well with everything that was
thrown our way. And in various ways we were overpowered, crushed
and destroyed, or at least something happened that felt very
much like it. So people with PTSD are more likely than others
to go into a feeling of overwhelm. And, this tends to happen
sooner, more frequently and to last longer than it does for
others.
People with PTSD therefore have another tool available in
dealing with feelings of overwhelm. That tool is to remind
ourselves that we have a tendency to respond as if the current
situation is like the one we experienced as a child and to
remind ourselves that it is not.
Desired Outcome: To cope better with our sense of overwhelm
and to experience overwhelmed feelings less.
Examining your own life experience, consider the following:
In what ways did I feel overwhelmed as a child? How much is
that history impacting my experience of overwhelm today? What
methods have I used to cope with my sense of overwhelm? What
has worked and what hasn't? What new tools do I see that I
can use?
John C Flanagan, LCSW
818 NW 17th Avenue, Suite 7
Portland, OR 97209-2327
503-228-7574
www.johncflanaganlcsw.com
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