I have suffered with the after effects of childhood trauma
all of my life but I didn't realize it. I didn't know what
it was that was causing the problems that I was having. I
had been in therapy most of the time from 1968 on, but none
of the various therapists that I had seen were able to figure
out that I had PTSD. And none of them seemed to have any idea
how to help me manage it better.
Then in 1993 it was revealed to me that I had been ritualistically
abused as an infant and small child up to the age of six.
To this day, I have no memories of my first six years of life.
My memories start at six, when my family moved from Portland
to Medford, and the group that had participated in that abuse
was left behind. It was in fact one of those group members
that finally came forward in 1993 and started relating to
me the story of what had happened.
I was so flabbergasted at the first tentative revelation
that I didn't even ask for any more information beyond simply
clarifying what I had been told. It was in fact an off-hand
comment-in-passing, about one of the lesser tortures with
which I had been inflicted. It took me two more years to gradually,
bit by bit, ask for more information until I had discovered
everything that my informant could remember.
My informant in fact was not the primary instigator of the
abuse. He even tried to oppose some of it. He undoubtedly
suffered second hand trauma himself. This most likely impacted
his ability to remember, as he was no doubt partially dissociated
during some of the events. I of course was totally dissociated
during the episodes of abuse and apparently for most of the
rest of the time as well. This was probably because the primary
perpetrator was always there, menacing me.
After 1993, once I realized that what I was dealing with
was PTSD, I made PTSD increasingly the focus of my learning
and of my practice. I took every seminar and workshop I could
find about PTSD. I read all the books I could get my hands
on about PTSD. I became a man on a mission to understand PTSD
and to understand how to overcome it.
I kept hearing and reading about how people with histories
of childhood trauma could benefit from participating in groups
with others with similar life experiences. At first I found
the notion incomprehensible. People with PTSD are often very
sensitive, reactive and unpredictable, not good candidates
for group therapy, I thought. But leader after leader of the
workshops I attended kept recommending it.
Gradually I became curious about it and then open to the
possibility. And finally I decided to try it. So I started
a group and a few months later, I started a second group.
The experts, it turned out, were right. People with PTSD benefit
very much from the addition of group therapy as a part of
their treatment program. And this was true even though we
got off to a bit of a bumpy start.
The first few group sessions, we spent half the time in search
of a topic. One of the group members pointed out that I knew
what the issues were and suggested that I just give them a
topic each time. So, I did that. Then another group member,
who had experience running business meetings, suggested that
I write a brief synopsis of the topic and include a "desired
outcome" and some "discussion starter" questions.
So I did.
Then one day as I was preparing yet another topic for an
upcoming group, I realized that I saw no reason not to give
them everything I've got about the topic. So gradually my
written discussions of the topics expanded to a page or more.
The resulting articles are what are contained in this section
of my web site.
John C Flanagan, LCSW
818 NW 17th Avenue, Suite 7
Portland, OR 97209-2327
503-228-7574
www.johncflanaganlcsw.com
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