As you probably know by now, if you have been reading my stuff, I like to journal. I find that, for me, it is a very powerful tool. One day, my friend and teacher, Matt Garrigan, suggested that I journal on the following question. "What would my life be like if I were living beyond trying to manage this?" I decided that the "this" was the impact of my trauma history. When I journal I don't plan ahead. I just write whatever comes into my mind at the time. I wrote the following:
 
"I would be serenely happy. I would go where I want to go and I would do what I want to do without agonizing about what I should do. I would choose and not look back. And if I discovered that I didn't like that choice, I would choose again and keep moving forward. I would as a result have what I want. Because by choosing and by doing, I would keep discovering more and more about what I want. Instead of being repeatedly stopped, I would be mobilized, dynamic, on the go, moving forward constantly. I would know what I want and have what I want in every aspect of my life. I would do a lot of what I like to do. I would try new things. And if I discovered that I really liked those things, I would do more of those things. And if I discovered that I didn't like those things, I would not do them any more. I would know what I want because I would test my choices through action rather than remaining confused through inaction. Things would get done. More things than I get done now. Because I would be in constant forward motion gaining momentum and discovering clarity as I move. Things that I currently imagine I will never accomplish, even though I want to do them, would get accomplished. And I would have everything I want and nothing that I don't want. I would be in abundance knowing that everything that I want is at hand and that all I have to do is to choose. I would be relaxed knowing that if I discovered something I didn't want I could make a different choice. I would be moving forward and gaining insight and clarity, wisdom and peace, connection and ecstasy. I would travel all over the world and see the places I want to see and the people I want to see and do the things I want to do. I would complete all the tasks on my life list and develop a whole bunch more things that I want to do before I die. I would develop and expand and mature even more as a professional and as a person. I would reach more and more people, be more successful at helping them and make an impact on their well-being that would be felt for generations to come."
 
Grandiose? Okay, but this is my private journaling. It is a stream of consciousness. And besides, I don't believe that I am unique in being able to be a force for good in the world. I believe that any one of us can. I believe, dear reader, that you can.
 
The point is that through this process of journaling I learned a very valuable lesson, one that Matt had tried to teach me earlier, but that I hadn't fully comprehended. I learned the power of choosing. I learned that it is more important to choose than to be certain that I am making the right choice as long as I am not consciously making wrong or harmful choices. As long as I am making innocent choices with sincerity and integrity, I am moving forward even if it turns out that I don't like the choice that I have made after I have made it. It is fine to analyze one's choices, but then it is important to go ahead and choose. It is only through taking action that we can learn whether or not a choice is what we really want. And, it is only through knowing what we truly want, that we can have it.
 
Discussion Starters: What would your life be like if you were living beyond trying to manage this? Do you agonize over certain choices you need to make? Do you get immobilized at times as a result of your childhood trauma? What do you think would happen at those times, if you just went ahead and made a choice even if there were a chance that it wasn't the best one? Do you see times in your life where going ahead and choosing helped move things forward? Can you see how choosing, rather than hesitating would work better for you? Can you see how making one choice, rather than waffling among two or more choices, would work better for you?

John C Flanagan, LCSW
818 NW 17th Avenue, Suite 7
Portland, OR 97209-2327
503-228-7574
www.johncflanaganlcsw.com

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