I can't decide what to write about this topic. It seems like
a good topic, and I'm sure I have a lot to say about it, but
I'm not sure what to say. Should I say this or that? I can't
decide. I'm indecisive. I'm suffering from indecision. If
this sort of thing keeps happening to me, then we would say
that I was suffering from indecisiveness. Indecision is one
specific time. Indecisiveness is a pattern.
Actually the truth is that I am usually not indecisive at
all about topics for group. I just write the one that I am
inspired to write. If I try to force myself to write about
a topic that I am not inspired to write, I have trouble "finding
my voice" as the writers call it. But it's not so much
that I am indecisive as it is that I am uninspired. There's
really nothing to choose from and therefore no decision to
be made…except to forge ahead as I am doing and hope
that the inspiration comes as it is doing now.
I think that indecisiveness comes mostly from fear. Wow!
What a surprise! When in our lives have we with PTSD ever
had fear as an underlying issue? Only all the time, right?
I believe we are decisive at times when we have somehow dealt
with the fear or when the decision concerns something that
is not fear-laden for us. Then we are able to move forward.
I think that the key to dealing with indecision is to deal
with the fear. In order to deal with the fear it is helpful
to identify what the fear is. A good way to do this is to
explore the parameters of the issue we are indecisive about.
Who are the people involved? Where and when does it or will
it take place? What are the issues involved? How does it relate
to our past? What have you? Exploration of these questions
may lead to discovery of the sources of our fears.
Of course, we deal better with fear, are less reactive to
it, when we are less stressed. Consequently, I think we tend
to become more indecisive when we are under more stress. So
another way to deal with indecision is to reduce our stress
if we can. That's always a good idea anyway, as we do everything
better when we are not stressed to the max. I started to say,
"when we are less stressed." But, that isn't precisely
correct. I think in fact that there is a range of stress under
which we function optimally. We probably need some stress
to drive us. But, not to worry, there will always be more
than enough stress to keep us going.
I suspect that we are generally more decisive about those
areas in which we have had successes and less decisive when
it is an area in which we have not had success. However, this
is not a hard and fast rule because it is only one of the
factors that comes into play in determining our decisiveness.
Another factor for some of us may have to do with a sense
of commitment. Making a decision may feel to us as if we are
making a commitment and indeed in a sense it is. If we have
issues with making commitments then this will impact our decisiveness.
What other factors can you think of that impact your decisiveness?
A word about ambivalence is in order in any discussion about
indecisiveness. We should not confuse the two, but I fear
we sometimes do. Sometimes we have difficulty making decisions
because we have mixed feelings about what to do. Ambivalence
literally means being pulled in two different directions at
the same time. However, we can properly apply it to all kinds
of situations in which we are pulled in several different
directions. Take Baskin and Robbins for example. You walk
in and you sample half a dozen different flavors. Three or
four of them are truly yummy. So you order a quadruple-decker
right? Wrong, you are also pulled in the direction of not
giving yourself a stomach-ache. So you have to narrow your
selection to one or two. I believe that the antidote for ambivalence-based
indecision is integration. The more integrated we are internally,
the easier it is to come to a decision when we are feeling
pulled in two or more directions. If we are not as integrated
as we'd like to be, then it is good to use various devices/exercises
to help create integration. These devices are the old familiar
ones: meditating or praying about it, making lists, journaling,
discussion with friends, or even tossing a coin. You know
the one where you toss a coin and it says "banana royale"
and so you order the "pralines and cream".
Desired Outcome:
To become more aware of the fears that underlie our indecisiveness
and to ultimately become more decisive.
Discussion Starters:
When in my life have I been indecisive? What were the
fears that underlay my indecisiveness? When have I overcome
indecision and how was I able to do it? What tools have I
learned to use to deal with indecision?
John C Flanagan, LCSW
818 NW 17th Avenue, Suite 7
Portland, OR 97209-2327
503-228-7574
www.johncflanaganlcsw.com
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