For those of us with histories of trauma, feeling trapped
tends to be a recurring issue. This was most recently called
to my attention by the snow and freezing rain that confined
us to our quarters for three or four days, a few weeks ago.
There was plenty of food. The water, electricity and indoor
plumbing were all still working, at least for most of us.
There were more than enough books to read, television and
videos to watch, games to play, conversations to be had, puzzles
to work on, etc. We could even go outside and slide in the
snow, build snowmen, make snow angels or throw snowballs.
But most of us couldn't really go anywhere and some of us
who tried discovered that there were worse things than being
confined to quarters, treacherous streets and unpredictable
other drivers. Home felt like the safest place to be and yet
many of us felt trapped.
Some of us felt this trapped feeling directly and consciously.
Others may not have been consciously aware of what was going
on with them, but they found themselves acting strangely and
out of sorts. We were cranky, irritable, snapped at others,
or didn't have any energy. We had this golden opportunity
to get caught up on a bunch of stuff and the time just slipped
away without much getting accomplished. So what was going
on with us?
I think that at least in part what was going on for many
of us was that we were feeling trapped. I also think that
it might have been different if we had been trapped at work.
I think it would have made a difference whether we were in
a house or an apartment. For many of us our home is a trigger.
We don't mean for it to be, but it is. This is because it
was at home that we were traumatized when we were little.
We felt trapped at home in the first place. Bad things were
happening and we were little and we had no idea how to get
away. Many of us did get away as soon as we figured out that
we were able to do so.
Over the years, we have made our peace with our homes. We
have made them ours. We have located them in neighborhoods
where we feel safe or at least safer. We have furnished and
decorated them the way we want. We have made them unique to
us and different from the homes we grew up in. We have established
routines and rituals around leaving them, returning to them
and being in them. But most of us have not established emotional
agreements with ourselves with regard to being confined to
our homes for days at a time and for unknown durations of
time. When these rare events occur, we are not prepared and
we get a recurrence of that old trapped feeling that we had
when we were kids.
Of course, home is not the only place that we can end up
feeling trapped. As with our home situation, we have made
various preparations and taken various preventative steps
not to ever feel trapped anywhere. We sit with our back to
the wall, preferably in a corner seat from which we can see
the whole room, the proverbial gunfighter's seat. We ride
"shotgun" in the passenger side of the front seat,
so that we can see what's coming. Or, better yet, we drive.
In movies, we prefer aisle seats for a quick getaway, or better
yet in the back row, if we can still see the screen from there.
But sometimes our best efforts to protect ourselves from
being or feeling trapped are to no avail. The theatre is crowded
and there's an obnoxious person sitting behind us talking
during the movie or repeatedly kicking our seat and there
are no other seats to move to. Or we are in traffic and it
comes to a stand still and there is no way to get off the
freeway. Then once again we feel trapped and go into a flashback
sort of state. We either dissociate or get panicky or get
angry to cover our fear. And, we get the heck out of there
ASAP.
So what can we do when these things occur to help regain
our balance? How can we re-center ourselves when these events
occur? The telephone and/or the cell phone is often a helpful
tool in these instances. We can call someone who will understand
what we are feeling and what we are going through, even if
the only person we can think of to do that for us is our therapist.
In those situations where there is no such lifeline, we will
have to rely on our own spiritual skills. We can use these
to disconnect from our attachment to our situation and to
our identification with our past trauma, which is making the
present situation more problematic.
Desired Outcome:
To learn to recognize and confront head-on those unexpected
and unprepared-for situations in which we feel trapped and
to develop better skills at working free from those feelings.
Discussion Starters:
When have I felt trapped? How did it feel? What did I
do? Was I able to get out of that feeling? How did I do it?
What new tools could I develop or what existing tools could
I improve on to cope even better with these kinds of situations?
John C Flanagan, LCSW
818 NW 17th Avenue, Suite 7
Portland, OR 97209-2327
503-228-7574
www.johncflanaganlcsw.com
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